Dear Doug,
My girlfriend, who's convenient for me at the moment, was watching the cattle out in the back 40 with me last night. The big trouble for us was that we had to constantly keep an eye out for the bull who was with the herd of cows and calves. How can we enjoy taking a stroll down through the pasture without contending with a bull? I know not to wear red but is there anything else we should know to avoid?
- L.S. Missouri

Dear L.S.,
You're best best would be to get you and your lady friend up on a horse. I find that ladies don't like to be advised in the fashion department, especially when it's removal you're after. With the horse, you can have a worry free lope around the pasture because the bull will keep a good distance. Plus, it seems that them grocery store novels always has men up on horses, so I suppose it's kind of romantic. Should you feel it necessary to "cow watch" on foot though, I recommend you get yourself a HotShot cattle prod available at most local farm supply stores. It ain't a sure defense but it's better than nothing. A bull that thinks you're messing with his cows ain't something you want to find yourself in a tangle with, especially if you ain't real experienced.
- Doug

Dear Doug,
I just got discharged from the Army, and went home to do a little spring gobbler hunting. Thing is, my Ma went and packed all my camo in with where her cats sleep. Now all my gear smells like cat piss. Is there any household remedy for this?
- Ray, Gathersburg, MD

Dear Ray,
Unless you're hunting cats, which is illegal in most states, them clothes ain't good for nothing except speeding you toward the pearly gates on account of disease. Aside from the complete depravity of crawling into a RealTree litter box, how do you expect to be creeping up on them wily Maryland Whitetail, come fall, if you're hauling around all that smell? My advice is you try to sell em. Maybe you know someone who's always got a cold, or somebody that's lost their nose to a combine. Better still, just burn the whole lot. You shouldn't let your Ma, or any other woman for that matter, handle your camo in the first place because they slop on all them fragrances. In the animal kingdom, that's akin to hearing the words "three-alarm" and "camp" coming over the scanner at the same time.
- Doug

Dear Doug,
I've been flippin through Cabela's looking for my next set of camo (deer season is only six month away, you know), and I have a question - do you prefer the Advantage pattern, or that new RealTree Extra Grey? I just can't decide, and my buddies at camp is real particular about stuff like that.
- Otis, Davis, WV

P.S. I just joined the NRA from your site. Thanks for the link.

Dear Otis,
Telling you which camo is best is dang near impossible. I liken it to trying to choose between bacon or sausage at breakfast. Your best bet is to go out and take a gander at the land you'll be hunting. Each patch has its own characteristics and will fit certain patterns better than others. At our camp, it seems that MT050 Whitetail Extreme camo with scent lock generally works (depending on the rainfall), whereas down south of Harry John's, nothing but Advantage Timber 3-D Leafy Wear works. Above all though, jumble up what you put on. I know it looks good to show up covered head-to-toe in the same Martha Stewart pattern but that's only good for impressing women folk. If it's fooling critters of the furry variety you're after, it's always better to mix and match your pants, jackets, and what not so as to break up your outline.
-Doug